I had the day off today, so I woke up around 2pm, took the kids to get ice cream and headed off to church. Greg was bike riding with a friend- perfect day for it!
We had a guest speaker today. Phil Vischer, the creator of Veggie Tales! His story was not one I expected to hear. After putting tons of hard work into his dream, he went bankrupt. Google him. Seriously.
He started off the talk saying that everybody has a "dream". He talked about how putting our personal dream ahead of all else isn't really the way to go. The talk was titled Me vs He, about how our dreams may overshadow what God wants for us. And we may have to give it up to reach the ultimate plan God has for us.
It might have been the most powerful talk I've heard.
He talked about dreams we might have...being a millionaire, owning a huge home, having a healthy child. When he said that I immediately teared up and felt like he was talking directly to me.
When we found out that Lauren had Down syndrome when I was pregnant I was devastated. When we found out she needed open heart surgery I was angry. See, having a healthy daughter wasn't just my dream. I felt it was owed to me. Afterall, I did everything "right". I married my high school sweetheart, started a family after we were married, went back to school to support my family, attended church regularly. I held up my end of the bargain and God didn't. We'd had our kids early so we could retire early, be "empty nesters" early. I was angry. I was hurt. I was so confused on how He could let this happen to me. I truly went through each stage of grief.
My dream of a healthy child truly overshadowed the Lord's plan for our family. I couldn't see it at the time because my heart was clouded in grief, I was drowning.
Greg and I talked about it over dinner today. God's plans for our family are so incredibly amazing, we could've never dreamed up this life. These children. This girl.
Lauren came at a time where we needed her. She was a salve for a rocky marriage. She was the personification of everything we feared and everything we needed.
I am so thankful that we relied on the faith we share that shaped our beliefs on abortion. Lauren would always have been born, there was never another option for us. She is such a huge part of our family, we didn't know it at the time but we were waiting on her to complete us.
My heart is happy.