Perspective

Today we had the pleasure of watching my 6 year old nephew play hockey. It's super fun to watch kids that age play any sport, and the best part is that my nephew is actually really good! My dad, brother in law, myself, my two kids, my nephew, and my niece all were there to cheer him on. Well, I'm pretty sure the kids were in it for the snacks. Lauren did really great! She didn't run away from me once, I only had to steer her by the shoulders a couple of times (she gets really overwhelmed in crowds and kind of shuts down/has no awareness of her surroundings. When that happens, she generally just weaves through crowds to get out of them while I yell her name and pray she doesn't get trampled. It's just as fun as it sounds.), and all the kids cheered for their cousin/brother!

Afterward there was a couple of bounce house type things. One was two slides with a "ladder" in the middle and one was kind of an obstacle course. All the kids did all of them, including Lauren. She climbed up the ladder part TWICE! I was shocked, I didn't think she'd have the stamina/ability to do it. She and I had to leave early because she got super tired and tried to sleep in the obstacle course, thus putting herself in danger of being stepped on. My brother in law tried to get her out which resulted in her completely melting down and getting hysterical. So I pulled up my van and then my brother in law wrested her off the ground and into her carseat. My dad helped see us off and kept Ryan so he could stay and play. Have you ever wrestled a 65lb Gumby? I don't recommend it unless you have to.

In the past, that kind of thing with Lauren would've made me so sad and overwhelmed and ruined my whole day. Instead, today I was able to see it for what it was. 10 minutes of disaster in an otherwise awesome day. She played appropriately with her cousins. She was polite and shared her snacks. She had so much fun in the bounce houses. She was really excited to go to hockey and wants to go again.

She's been doing really well in school, loves going to the gen ed class every day, and seems to be making friends. The school had a Walkathon and she walked with her gen ed class. She brought a book home to read last week and actually read it to us. She is learning great things. Times like that, I think that she really is more alike than different. Then we have moments like the end of hockey today, and I'm like...not so much. But I'm to the point now that it's really okay! I've felt no shame in admitting that grief is not linear and that some days this whole special-needs parenting thing is a tough gig and I do sometime still grieve the life I thought I was going to have. But I'm trying to be more positive and not let a small episode become a big one. I'm so thankful for family that steps in to help without me having to ask. Lauren has so many people on her team, and by default, so do I. I don't know that I'd ever have seen or realized the blessing that brings unless we had Lauren.

Ryan's been doing really well. He was a super good boy at the game. He was minimally anxious, the only struggle for him was deciding what snack to order (this sounds funny, but decision making for him causes major anxiety. I was able to diffuse it and he handled it really well today!).

The plan tomorrow is for my dad, my twin sister, her boys, and Ryan to go ice skating together and then go for a hike through the woods at a park near us.  Ryan's really excited about it!