When Ryan and I woke up about 30 minutes later, I went downstairs to get the day started. I see her Ba Lamby, Baby Lamby, Lamby 2, Froggie, and Froggie in a little group, set up to watch the Barbies play. But Lauren wasn't in the family room. So I called for her, thinking she was hiding in the living room. Nope. Then I ran upstairs to see if maybe she was in her room because sometimes she gets herself dressed now. Nope! I yell for Ryan to wake up and tell him I think Lauren's not in the house. I'm yelling her name, checking everywhere. Then I noticed the front door is just barely open. Not even open, really. Just not all the way shut.
I found her in her pajamas, with her shoes on the wrong feet, in the front yard. She told me she wanted to drive my car. (I'd left it unlocked, which could've been disastrous as it was in the 90's here today. Thankfully this was at 7:30am and it wasn't hot yet. Now I will make sure I'm fanatical about locking the car doors.) I yelled at her, I sat down on the ground and hugged her and I told her that she cannot leave the house without a grown up. That she could get hurt, lost, or be afraid. She looked back at me with a totally blank look, like she didn't even realize she was somewhere she shouldn't be.
We have talked about this with her over, and over, and over again. And then again some more. She can tell us that she won't leave the house. She can tell us that at the grocery store, she stays with mom. She can tell us, "I don't run away from mom and dad". Her elopement and impulse control has been leagues better since we started medication in the fall. This was our first elopement (from home) since we got Monte over a year ago. This morning she had let Monte outside in the back yard. I think he'd have alerted me if he was inside.
This is the reality of parenting Lauren. Some days it's like she doesn't even have special needs. A lot of times I just feel like I've had a three year old for a really freaking long time. She speaks really well, we've always been fortunate that speech is a huge strength for her. So I think sometimes we forget that speaking and understanding are not the same. She scared the crap out of us today. My husband is installing a video doorbell system with motion sensors on the front porch as we speak. It will alert both of our phones if there is motion on our front porch. We're on opposite shifts and somebody is almost always sleeping at our house, so having a tall interior lock doesn't really work, because there's nobody awake to open it when the other returns home from work. At our old house we had magnet alarms installed that would sound (loudly!) if a door opened. We can't currently do that either because of said opposite work schedules. I bought a hook and eye latch for the top of our door, and might just make myself wake up to let Greg in on weekends (on weekdays I'm up and gone before he gets home). I hate that this keeps happening.
Lauren is the most trusting child ever. She would go with anyone. Her life, her world, is unicorns and rainbows. I love that innocence about her, it's like an inner beauty that I wish I could at least half possess. But it makes her really hard to keep safe sometimes and it terrifies me. She calls me honey and sweetie and sweetheart as part of her regular way of addressing me. She still lets me rock her at bedtime every night while she peppers my face and neck with kisses and tells me she loves me. There's not a soul on this planet who loves and trusts like she does.
So now we get more vigilant. We talk about not going outside without a grownup a million more times. We install locks and security systems. And we hope it sinks in or that we can outsmart her, hopefully both.
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