I am in a funk lately and I don't like it. I think part of it is because I'm so freaking tired from work, therapy, doctor's appointments, preschool and life. Greg and I haven't had any time together with just the two of us lately so we haven't really been able to just talk and hang out. Even after the kids are in bed he has homework and/or I'm tired and go to bed. Or I'm working since I start at 7pm. Greg is working full time and taking 2 classes which means he's gone 3 evenings a week. We are both just so over worked.
Have I mentioned that what seems like all of my friends are pregnant? I am super excited for them all. I love babies! But I have to admit it makes me a little bit sad. Actually a lot sad. I won't get to feel the amazing feeling of a baby moving around in the womb again. I won't get to nurture and grow new life. And I'm sad. My pregnancy with Lauren was extremely stressful, obviously. I didn't feel a lot of joy, I was grieving, I was extremely worried and I was barely hanging on some days. I don't mean to make it seem like the only reason I want to experience pregnancy again is to get a do-over, though I suspect that's part of my problem. The plain truth is that I want another baby. Not tomorrow, not even next year and probably not even the year after that. Some day.
But Greg feels done. As in never ever wants to have a third baby. Some days I even agree with him. He hasn't sprung this on me, his mind hasn't recently changed, I haven't been misled. He's always only wanted to have two kids. And we are extremely blessed to have two perfect children. I've always wanted three. He wins because financially he's right. Two makes a lot more sense than three. And I think it's really important that having a child is a mutual decision. But I still get to be sad. It's just hitting me more lately as Lauren gets bigger and grows out of her tiny little dresses and tiny little onesies and tiny little pants. I don't feel ready to pack those things away knowing I won't get them back out to use for my very own new baby.
Ugh, enough of that. I'm getting teary eyed writing it. Here's for the excting stuff!
We had family pictures taken today!!! Abbie did Lauren's newborn pictures so I knew our family pictures would turn out amazing. Abbie is a wonderful photographer and we are a good looking family- what could go wrong? Famous last words.... Ryan hates getting his picture taken! Today was no exception, LOL! Here's a sneak peek and I'll definitely post more when they're all done! Take a look at Abbie's website here: http://a-lloyd-photography.com/ She is so talented!!